Grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says,"Ya know, we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper says,"What, you have a drink named Murray?"
A termite walks into a bar, sits down and says to the guy next to him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?"
A guy walks into a bar. He's got a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Cool, where'd you get that?" The parrot says,"I don't know...it started as a wart on my butt !"